


been about you, since i met you.

by smallbump



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4984582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallbump/pseuds/smallbump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is the boy at school that makes Phil's heart jump and do a flip at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	been about you, since i met you.

Phil Lester’s mother taught him a lot of things. Everything from always look twice before crossing the street to always apologising when you feel like you’ve done something wrong to never be mean to anyone. Phil Lester’s mother taught him to be a good kid, a good student, and a good friend.  
She warned him about befriending the wrong people. _How do I know?_ Phil asked and she simply said he would just know. Same with girls, she said to him. You will just know.

She taught him how to walk and talk and ride a bike, she taught him the alphabet, the order of the planets up in space and how to not burn mac and cheese in her finest pan. When he was six, she taught him all the names of the animals at a zoo. It had been the best day of his life.

So when Phil started school, the real school with grades and everything he was prepared. With a few, very good friends and a sharp head, he was ready for anything school had to throw at him.

However, at age sixteen, Phil realised there was one thing his mother hadn’t taught him. Or no one else for that matter. And that is what you do when you see a boy that makes your heart jump and do a flip at the same time.

Phil Lester sure wasn’t prepared for Dan Howell. The boy with the golden brown eyes that shined so beautifully in the autumn sun, almost sparkling. So big and wide and curious of the world, always making steady eye contact, never giving a frown.  
Dan came into Phil’s life one Tuesday morning when he got into school. Him and Pj had walked together to school, like they’ve done every single morning since first grade.   
Phil remembers meeting Dan like it had been yesterday and not a year ago. The locker next to his had been empty for months since Sophia moved away; a girl Phil still missed a lot from time to time. She’d been one of the sweetest people Phil had ever known. 

So when a boy standing close to his, it caught his attention. He had glanced over and offered a smile, getting a short one in return.

Phil’s mother never taught him how you know when you fall in love, although he figured it was something like when he met Dan.

* * *

“And then they were two…” Phil says quietly where he sits on Dan’s bed, surprisingly with a cover and decorative pillows on it. It’s pretty. Just like the rest of Dan’s room. It’s clean and organized and very, very pretty with pretty photos on the wall, taken by Dan himself, he learned a few hours early. Dan likes to take photos.  
There’s so much that fascinates Phil about Dan, everything from the photos on the walls to the books in his shelves to the clothes that he wears.   
There is so much in Dan’s room that reminds him of his own and Phil wonders if it’s okay to point out, or would that make Dan uncomfortable?

Their friends left just minutes ago, the last bus in their direction was passing by and they hurried out the door while Phil sat back and realised he had missed his by twenty minutes.

So he stays where he is, hoping Dan won’t mind. _I’ll walk_ , he says and Dan smiles at him, saying he could walk with him for a bit. Neither of them means right now.

Phil takes another sip from his tea cup, “How’s your English report coming along?” he asks to make the silence disappear.

Dan groans in response. He hasn’t said much all night and Phil wonders what it is that he is supposed to ask to make Dan talk. Dan sits on the computer chair by his desk and slowly spins half-circles with it back and forth, empty cup in hand. He looks beautiful in his clean, organized room; Dan looks like a small piece of art.

“Well, there’s still plenty of time.” He smiles even though no one’s looking.

Dan puts down a foot to the floor and stops mid-spin, “I’ve never been good with time,” he says.

Phil figures they are done talking about school so he moves on to another subject. The photo albums standing in Dan’s bookshelf are getting his attention; they’re all neat and pretty, with different countries’ names on them. At first he leans forward to go and get one, but thinks Dan might not like that. “Are those photo albums?” he says instead, knowing how stupid it might sound as he points at them. Dan looks up at him and then to the bookshelf.

“Yeah,” he nods, “Do you want to see the pictures I took in India? I got to borrow my aunt’s camera and it’s so much better than mine.”

He simply nods, takes another sip from his tea. It’s starting to get cold. When Dan sits down on the bed, leaning against the wall with crossed legs, Phil puts away the cup and shuffles back to sit next to Dan. Flickering through the pages, Dan explains where they are and the context of the photos. Finally, Dan is talking. 

“It’s beautiful,” Phil whispers, doesn’t know why but bigger words felt out of place. The sunrise in the photo is quite breath-taking and it’s incredible how Dan managed to capture it so well.

Dan nods agreeing, “My parents love it there, we’ve been several times.”

Phil smiles and glances at Dan, who is already on the next page and completely unaware of Phil’s stare, just as he was unaware that Phil was complimenting his photography and not India, though it’s obviously beautiful there but it wasn’t what he meant. “You’re really good at this,” he says instead and feels the urge to place his hand on Dan’s arm, or his head on his shoulder or perhaps even his lips on his cheek. “Like, _really_ good.”

The hint of a blush blooming out on Dan’s cheeks is quite breath-taking too.

“Thank you.”

Phil asks if they could look through another one, and Dan happily hops of the bed to grab a second photo album. This one from Spain. Dan has been there three times. Two times in Madrid and one in Barcelona. “My dad and brother wanted to see a football game,” he says tiredly, like he’s still annoyed by it. “It was the worst three hours of my life, I was so bored!”

It makes Phil laugh a little; he can imagine a 13-year-old Dan in some band t-shirt and the typical ‘emo-fringe’ constantly complaining over how bored he is in a stadium full of fanatic football fans, being so out of place. Phil would’ve been just as bored, he tells Dan. “Too bad you weren’t there suffering through it with me,” Dan says as he flips page and Phil isn’t sure what it means. Because they didn’t know each other then.

Dan goes on talking about the museums of the next photoset.

“You have to teach me how to take good pictures. I swear my family have the worst vacation pictures ever.”

This is where Dan would say _‘I’m sure that’s not true,’_ because that’s what people do but not Dan. He lets out a short laugh and says, “Yeah, sure.”

“At this place I had the best ice cream I’ve ever had in my entire life. It was a good day.” Dan explains as his fingers trace over a photo of him standing outside a café somewhere in Madrid. He’s got green shorts and a black t-shirt on, his hair looking quite awful but Phil smiles fondly at the photo anyway, because Dan’s got a smile on his face that he hasn’t seen on him yet. A smile where he seems genuinely happy.  
Phil wants to make it his mission to see that smile on Dan in real life, and not just in a photo taken almost four years ago.

He wants to curl his fingers over Dan’s and hold them in his hand, feel the soft skin against his. Phil both hates and loves being in love with Dan.

He leans closer, eyes pasted on Dan’s face where the smile is fading. Phil can sense how these pictures drains Dan’s bit of happiness he has in him so he closes the photo album slowly, allowing Dan to remove his hands and then he puts it away on the night stand, beside his tea cup.  
This is where Phil would kiss him. This is where Phil would gently place a hand on Dan’s cheek; turn his head so they’re face to face. And they would smile at each other, both equally scared but probably for different reasons. Phil would desperately search for Dan’s approval and then… Kiss him.  
Phil has thought of kissing Dan so many times now that he’s lost count. Whenever he sees him at school, or at the grocery store. Whenever they meet by their lockers, Phil wants to put his lips on Dan. Hold him in his arms for a while, kiss his hair, and stroke his back. 

“I should probably go,”  
  
Should, but doesn’t want to. Dan doesn’t say anything. They both slide of the bed and walk out of Dan’s room, leaving five half-empty teacups and two photo albums on the nightstand behind them. Phil forgets to take his to the kitchen. His mother has taught him to clean up after himself but he forgets this time, and Dan closes the door behind him. He’ll do it next time.

With his jacket and shoes on, Phil lets his shoulders fall in the same moment he sighs quietly. He doesn’t want to leave but he doesn’t know how to stay either. It’s late anyway. “You don’t have to walk with me, it’s so late already.”

He waits for Dan to insist but he doesn’t. And even though, that could say it all, Phil ignores it. He’s not ready to lose all hope yet. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you on Monday then, I guess?” Phil asks, when in reality all he wants to do is take the jacket and the shoes off. He wants to go back to Dan’s room, crawl under the covers with him and stay there for the rest of the night. And the rest of this weekend.

Dan nods, says nothing again. When he pulls in Phil for a hug, it lingers on a little too long and the rose-colour on Dan’s cheeks is quickly becoming Phil’s favourite.

“Bye Dan.”

“Bye.” Dan waves awkwardly as Phil looks back at him before closing the door.

* * *

Monday morning again, Phil and PJ walk together to school like always. He kicks away a smaller rock in front of them, and then again. For once, they’re being quiet and Phil sees this as a now or never-moment.

“Peej,”

They’re not the kind of friends to talk about emotional things, and deep things, feelings and that. But this is something he kind of has to tell him about. Phil is a boy who likes a boy in a world where it’s not exactly the most common thing. It’s never been his intention to be different like this, Phil likes to blend in. Be just one in the crowd. He’s been fine with that so far. He’ll try and not make a big deal out of it, though he knows it will be eventually. But first thing’s first – PJ has to know. Someone other than himself has to know. Otherwise he can’t act on it. 

PJ only gives him a ‘go on’-look for a second.

“I have- there’s something you need to know.”

“Okay?”

Phil breathes in deeply and though he’s trying not to think of it like this, it feels like a pretty big deal right now. “I’m, I think- Hm. I think I like _boys_ ,” he says, weird tone in his voice. It doesn’t roll off his tongue easily. Maybe when he has said it a few times more.

PJ meets his eyes, but his facial expression is not changing a bit. There’s no frown or wider eyes or open mouth. It makes Phil a little calmer. “Okay.” He says simply. “Anyone in particular?”

A huge truck drives past them, followed by a train of cars behind it so they won’t hear each other because of the loud noises along with the wind blowing through the tree crowns, which is quite good. It gives him time to calm down.

“Dan,” Phil mumbles, cheeks changing colour gradually the longer the silence lingers on between them. PJ smiles at him, sweet and friendly, before putting an arm around Phil’s shoulder, squeezing it with his hand a little. “You’re the first to know,” he tells him.

“I’m glad you told me. I mean, I’m a bit surprised, honestly. But, not so much it’s Dan. You have been staring a bit at him, mate.” PJ laughs, not at him or anything. Just, to kind of say he’s okay with it. It’s all fine. “I figured you just really wanted to be friends with him, not more.”

It makes Phil bury his face in his hands for a moment, and it makes him blush even harder. “He’s so cute.”

PJ laughs again, says “I’m sure,” before ruffling Phil’s hair quickly and everything’s fine as they continue their walk to school. It’s quiet for a while before PJ begins telling him about his weird dream and it’s back to normal, but a little bit better.

When they get inside and to their lockers, Dan is already standing by his. They greet him quickly before PJ continue the conversation they had just before, but Phil isn’t listening much anymore. Though, he’s grateful that PJ isn’t making things more awkward than they have to be.  
He’s looking over at Dan instead, who just closed his locker and holds his English book in both his arms. Dan is just as pretty as always, this day in a dark grey jumper and black skinny jeans. His hair lying exactly in the right places, perfectly straightened. Phil hurriedly takes off his jacket and grabs his books, so they can walk with Dan to class.

Suddenly Dan smiles shyly and Phil looks over to the direction his eyes are in.  
  
A girl walks past them, Phil doesn’t recognise her that well. She only says hi to Dan and her fingers brush against his hand and he lets her, and Phil can feel his heart sink a little.

Nothing says Dan like guys, Phil reminds himself. But nothing says he have to like girls either. All he really wants is for Dan to like _him_.

“Who’s she?” PJ asks when she’s out of sight and unable to hear them. Phil silently thanks him for doing what he was too afraid to do. Though he is dreading to hear the answer to the question. 

“Just a friend,” Dan says, voice quiet and embarrassed. He twists and looks away, ready to head to class and forget about this conversation completely.

PJ giggles, “It’s never just a friend.”

Phil laughs a little too even though he doesn’t know why. Girls have always been just a friend to him. And Phil has always been just a friend to everyone else.

Dan never says anything back to PJ’s comment, he offers a smile before turning his foot and goes to class. Phil spends the next hour debating if Dan didn’t say anything because he didn’t agree or if he thought PJ was right.

* * *

At lunchtime, Dan sits next to Phil for a change. No one at their table seems to notice or care about this other than him. When Dan leans closer to him and whispers, no one is trying to eavesdrop. Something Phil would’ve done if it had been someone else this close to Dan. But then again, not everyone in their group of friends is in love with Dan like Phil is.

Phil is both grateful for it but also a bit disappointed. He doesn’t really know why but he wants people to know that Dan chose him.

“I saw squirrels at the park yesterday,” Dan whispers as he opens the photo album on his phone. “Look how cute they are!”

Phil smiles as he watches Dan swipe through numerous of pictures of squirrels, finding himself looking more at Dan’s thumb than the tiny animals. He looks more at Dan’s hands than the pictures.

“So cute!” Phil exclaims quietly, not sure why they’re whispering.

“Zoe said so too, she couldn’t stop gushing about it in class. That’s why Mrs. Johnson got so mad at us,” Dan giggles.

Phil had heard Zoe’s light voice in class earlier and Mrs. Johnson’s annoying sighs at her, but he didn’t know Dan had been with her then. They sat so far away from each other that even if he turned his back, he still couldn’t see Dan. It was probably for the best.

“You and Zoe are quite good friends, huh?” 

“Yeah, she keeps calling me her bestie which is a bit lame I guess but she’s sweet.” 

Dan puts away his phone and Phil is ready to turn and listen to what the rest of their friends are currently talking about, trying so hard to not be jealous of what happened earlier. That would just be stupid of him.

“We were thinking of going to the park after school, do you want to come?” Dan is smiling so sweetly that Phil is falling for him all over again. His eyes are happy and light, looking as wonderful as eyes can in the light from the fluorescent lamps up in the ceiling.   
Phil breathes in deeply. If only Dan knew how hard he is making it for him. “Absolutely.”

If only Dan knew how many times Phil has thought of kissing him, or hugging him longer than normal, or holding his hand. How many times he has wanted to spend time with Dan, and no one else.

“I brought my camera, thought maybe I can get some better pictures of them,” Dan says excitedly.

 _You’re so cute,_ Phil thinks to himself and smiles back at Dan.

He cannot wait to spend more time with Dan. They’ve known each other for a year or so and at school, they always share the same lunch table because they have mutual friends but when it comes to doing things after school, it just never seem to happen. Unless all of their friends are all hanging out together, but they’re still separated. And sure, even though Zoe will be there, it’s better than nothing.

Their conversation ends there as the rest of their friends get up and lunchtime is over too soon. Phil wanted to ask why Dan had the funny smile on his face but he didn’t get a chance to and it’ll probably bug him for the rest of the day.

In their next class, Phil sits down at a table somewhere in the middle and waits for PJ to join him. They pretty much always sit together so by now, they don’t even mention it. Which is why Phil is left a little confused when PJ walks past him, shoots him a knowing smile and sits in the back instead, next to their friend Ryan.

That is until Dan sits next to him, asking if it’s alright with a shy tone in his voice and for the second time this day, Phil silently thanks PJ. He wasn’t completely sure PJ got it when Phil told him about his feelings about Dan, and his feelings about boys in general earlier in the morning, and with his comment to Dan at the lockers, but he must’ve, or he wouldn’t have done this, surely?  

Halfway through the class, Dan discreetly shoots him a little paper note. Though, Phil stares at him so intensely he can’t help but smile. With a messy handwriting, it just says _‘you’re cute too’_

“Oh no,” Phil breathes nervously. He spends so much time at home thinking out loud since his parents are working all the time that he accidentally does it in public as well. PJ and other friends have had to tell him quite a few times. His brother doesn’t even reflect on it anymore. It’s gone that far.  
That’s why Dan looked at him like that at lunch. Phil closes his eyes and breathes in the embarrassment.

Dan is still smiling, even bigger now, like he can’t contain himself. With round, puffy cheeks and big, brown eyes he reminds Phil of a squirrel.

 _‘you’re cute as a squirrel’_ he scribbles down underneath the short sentence and throw it back to Dan, it lands on his textbook. Dan falls into giggles when he reads it and it fills Phil’s heart with so much joy he doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to focus at anything else for the rest of the school day. 

_Dan thinks he is cute, too._

* * * 

It doesn’t actually have to mean anything.

Phil has heard Dan with his closest friends, he’s very intimate and says a lot of sweet things. What he said to Phil could easily be just one of those things, not a big deal at all. He reminds himself of this over and over when walking out of his last class, which is Spanish, one he doesn’t share with Dan. He is taking French.

It doesn’t actually have to mean anything, Phil thinks again, as he gets to his locker and sees Dan and Zoe walking towards him, arms linked. They’re in the middle of a fit of giggles and Phil wonders if another teacher had to get annoyed with them.  
He puts away his books and takes out his jacket before closing the locker, putting the jacket on as if he’s on his way home. In case Dan forgot he invited him to go to the park, or if he changed his mind or any other reason. 

“I’ll grab my things and then we can go,” Zoe says, the giggles still in her. 

Dan nods in response before he turns to Phil, “You’re still coming, right? To the park.” Dan clarifies, as if Phil had forgotten.

“Yeah, of course. As long as I’m not third-wheeling you and Zoe,” he says and smiles. It’s both a joke and a question, because Phil needs to know.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan tells him and bats away the joke/question with his hand.

(Phil kind of wants Zoe to be the one third-wheeling, but of course he can’t actually say that.)

Dan offers Phil to sit behind him on the bike; Phil places his hands on Dan’s waist. The backpack is in the way for Phil to be closer to Dan, which is quite annoying.

It’s surprisingly warm for an October’s day, the sun is out and warms Phil’s cheeks gently, not a cloud in the sky as far as he can see. Autumn is definitely the prettiest season, Phil thinks when seeing the red and yellow leaves on the ground, some are still holding on to the branches on the trees. The park is near to their school and it doesn’t take long to get there.   
They park the bikes at the beginning of it and walks into it, Phil finds himself walking behind Dan and Zoe. It almost feels like there’s no space for him around them so he slows down his pace and watches everything around them instead. He smiles at an old lady walking her dog. His eyes locks on a young couple playing with their child in the grass, it looks fun.

“Hey, you okay?” He hears Dan’s voice from afar, realising he’s been walking slower and slower. A hand reaches out for him as he walks faster to them but Dan pulls it back when he’s close and Phil is disappointed. He glances over at Zoe who is just smiling her sweet smile at him. Then she looks at Dan for the longest time.

“Yeah, sorry, just tired.” Phil half-lies. He’s been wanting to spend time with Dan for so long that he’s had plenty of time to imagine how it would be like, and though he knew it wouldn’t be like he wanted to, he can’t help but feel a little bummed. He has to remind himself that Dan doesn’t actually have to like him because of what happened earlier. It didn’t have to mean anything. Even though, to Phil it did.

They sit down on a bench beside a few oak trees, Dan in the middle and Zoe and Phil on each of his sides. If it were just Dan and he, Phil would lay his head on his shoulder. And if it were just the two of them, he would talk more.

He would pull words out of Dan for all he’s worth, he’d ask question after question and patiently listen to the answers. Phil wants to get to know Dan better. He wants to know why he sometimes has a bounce in his steps, and other times he drags his feet along the floors in school, he wants to know what makes him slow at times. Slow and quiet and in the background. Phil can feel it too sometimes; maybe they could talk about it. Share their experience and get through the pain together.

“Oh, look, there’s one!” Zoe interrupts his thoughts and they all look in the direction her arm is outstretched in. Dan stands up, camera in hand and tiptoes closer to it. Phil begins smiling as Dan leans down, balancing on one knee and the camera close to his face.

“I didn’t mean to be in the way,” she says it so quietly, Phil figures Dan isn’t supposed to hear this conversation.

He looks at her, confused, “What?”

“For you and Dan.” Zoe looks at him with raised eyebrows. Like he is supposed to know exactly what she means, and though he kind of does, Phil isn’t sure he should show it. He remembers not to over-think, and to not get his hopes up too much.

“What?” Phil says again. 

They both move their gaze to Dan, who is still kneeled down and taking pictures, there’s another squirrel in the tree he’s got his eyes on. There’s no way he can hear them.

“Dan told me he was going to ask you to come here, I kind of invited myself. But I’ll go soon, promise. I need to pick up my brother anyway.” Zoe smiles apologetically at him, and Phil is stunned. He wants to know more. Why would she be in the way if they were all friends? He somehow feels like she knows a lot more than he does.

“Uh, okay.” He mumbles, eyes darting over to where Dan is _still_ hunched down on one knee. There must be at least a hundred pictures of the same two squirrels on his camera by now, and honestly, Phil cannot wait to sit and look through every single one of them later. 

Zoe says she has to go when Dan is walking back to the bench, she meets him halfway, takes his hand and squeezes it. Phil doesn’t know why that would be necessary.

Dan sits down next to Phil. His eyes are watching Zoe walk away until she’s so far away that they only see her as a little dot. Then he looks down at his camera and starts going through the pictures. Phil is scooting closer to get a better look, and so they don’t have to use big letters when talking. It’s mostly silence between them, eyes on the camera as they look through the photos, only a short comment here and there – “crap, it’s too blurry” “this one is better, though” – and if this is what it’s like to spend time with Dan, Phil doesn’t mind for a bit. It’s easy and nice, perhaps a little too quiet but Phil figures he’ll just have to learn how to appreciate it.

“We should’ve had something to feed them. Then they would’ve come closer." 

“You think so?”

Dan thinks for a second, “Worth a try.”

And Phil says _next time,_ mostly to say he hopes there will be a next time, indicating he really wants it to be a next time, and even though there wasn’t a question mark at the end of his short sentence, Dan nods at him.

“No, don’t get up yet,” Dan says quickly when Phil began to stand up and follow to wherever Dan was about to go, so he sits down again, confused to why. “Wait.”

When the camera starts clicking, Phil smiles. To hide the blush, to look nicer, because Dan is smiling behind the camera, and Phil wants to know what for. He wants to know what kind of smile it is meant to be.

* * *

When Phil came home from the park, he couldn’t wipe away the smile he’d been wearing ever since Dan told him how good he looked in the pictures. So obviously his mother noticed he was in a particularly good mood this Monday. “Good day at school?” She had asked him while putting dinner together, when Phil sat on one of the bar stools, eating grapes. He nodded, and told her he’d been at the park with Zoe and Dan.

“New friends?”

Phil nodded once again, and when she asked him a third question, “Is she cute?” Phil didn’t really know how to respond because frankly, it hadn’t crossed his mind. So he shrugged and that was that.

After dinner, Phil went to his room, _homework,_ he mumbled.

He did have homework but he didn’t even touch his books, instead he lay down on his bed with his phone in hand. Phil scroll through Facebook for a while, when he stumble across a picture of Zoe from earlier that day. He examines the picture carefully. People would definitely say she is cute and pretty because _she is_ but that doesn’t mean she’s ever going to make Phil’s chest feel heavy and light at the same time, it’s not going to make his cheeks go rose coloured when they have a conversation.   
As he continues scrolling, seeing other girls’ pictures on his feed, the thought of any of them making him feel that way seems more and more impossible.

And Phil kinds of hates it right now. Because it would be so much easier to just say to his mother that yes, she is pretty, and it would be so much easier if he actually thought that too. However, he hates lying so he won’t do that. Not to himself or his mother. 

Not saying anything at all isn’t exactly lying. (But still lying.)

The knock on his door pulls him out of his thoughts and he looks up to see his mother leaning against the doorframe, small, polite smile stuck on her face. “You have a visitor,” she says. In his head, Phil is rolling his eyes at her use of words, but only says _Okay_ , and sits up. Who would visit him unannounced? He throws the phone beside his pillow and let his legs dangle down from the edge of the bed, as Dan of all people walk into his room.

“Hi?” Phil decidedly frowns a bit, mostly so he won’t break out into a huge smile. Which is always his first instinct when he sees Dan and those warm, beautiful eyes of his. 

Dan looks around the room, inspecting every inch of it in only seconds before he meets Phil’s eyes. “Hi.” Phil gets self-conscious thinking of what Dan’s first impression of his room is, because it says so much about a person. And Phil doesn’t want him to change his mind on him, because so far Dan seems to like Phil the way he is. Or, not hate at least.

“You could’ve texted or called?” Phil says it with a short laugh following and he allows himself to smile, so Dan knows he isn’t mad or annoyed or something. Only surprised, which he really is.

“I know. But I wanted to come to your house, there’s something about you Phil, that makes me want to be an old fashioned romantic.” Dan says, in his normal talking voice like this is nothing major at all. “I would’ve thrown rocks at your window, if I had known which window was yours,” he continues and smiles shyly, looking over at the window beside Phil’s bed. Like he is trying to remember which window is his so he can do that some other time.

“I wanted to see you.”

Phil’s mouth is half-open and eyes are wide, staring at Dan, thinking this cannot be true, cannot be real. His eyes glance over at the small space between the doorframe and the door, and he wonders if his mother is eavesdropping.

The slamming of the dishes from the kitchen tells him otherwise and Phil decides to go for it. The palm of his hands are sweaty and fingertips shaking. 

“Why?”

Dan sits down beside him, puts one leg under the other, “I like you,” he whispers eagerly, as if he has been holding the words on his tongue all day. “A lot.”

In one way Phil wants to ask _since when, how did you know, why do you like me_ and in another way, for once, he doesn’t want them to talk at all and only kiss and kiss and kiss.

Either Dan is impatient or Phil is taking too much time figuring out which way to go, because Dan is coming closer, shuffling and messing up the bed even more. “And I hope you like me too,” Dan still whispers eagerly, breathing heavy and fast.

“I do, Dan,” Phil says, voice shuddering, “You have no idea how much.”

When Dan gently places one of his hands on Phil’s cheek, he can feel it being a bit sweaty and somehow, that alone makes him less nervous. When their lips collide, his upper lip disappears between Dan’s and his nose scrunches up a bit as they crash gently together. Noses are in the way, but they make it work. Phil can feel Dan smiling against his lips. He moves his hands to Dan’s body, to his legs and waist and back.  
They let go after a moment, both scooting closer to each other only to pick up the kiss a second later, and this time Phil smiles into the kiss and he squints his eyes closed, letting the pure happiness run over him like a waterfall. His heart is pounding loud and heavy with joy, he wouldn’t be surprised if Dan could hear it too.  
Dan’s lips are warm and so is his tongue, tracing over Phil’s like he’s trying to taste all of him at once. When they tear apart, and Dan kisses him quickly several times instead, their lips are much smoother than the first time, much wetter and the kissing sounds are getting louder.

“Come,” Dan says against his mouth, his breath hot against Phil’s lips. It tickles, but he follows. He follows when Dan pulls at his sweater and they lie down, legs tangled together in a mess, their upper bodies close to each other and Phil leans over Dan. He takes his hand and intertwines their fingers together before leaning down to kiss him.

“Should’ve done this at mine,” Dan breathes, “the other night,” he continues.

“I know,” Phil says simply, wanting Dan to shut up for once. 

Eventually, the kisses becomes slower and fewer. Phil lies on his side, with his hand still in Dan’s and the other is picking his fringe apart only to put it back together again. Dan doesn’t seem to mind much.

“Wanted you to stay over then,” Dan confesses, with his eyes looking up and down Phil’s face, from his lips to his eyes. Maybe he’s thinking of kissing him some more. Phil would let him. All night long if he so wanted to.

Dan takes their hands to his mouth and he kisses Phil’s knuckles, one by one, “When the others left and you stayed, I got so nervous. You’re so pretty Phil. And so kind. Funny and sweet and smart. I didn’t know how to get you to like me.”

Phil sighs, rolling his eyes sweetly at Dan, “You didn’t even have to try. Think I’ve always liked you, to be honest.”

They both go in for a kiss after that. This time with much more confidence in them.

“You want to sleep over?” Phil asks him after minutes of small kisses have been shared between them, when Dan buries his head in Phil’s chest and pulls him closer. “I’d love to,” Dan nods against his chest, kisses it just because. Phil kisses the top of Dan’s head.

Phil goes to fetch a spare pillow and a duvet, though he’s not sure they’ll use it but just in case.

“Do you want me to get the spare mattress?”

He spins around and meets his mother. “Oh, no don’t bother. We’ll sleep head to foot,” he explains. They’re probably not going to do that, and Phil bits his lip. He hates lying. “Or something,” he adds. If she asks him something else, he’ll be honest he promises himself in his head.

Phil’s mother looks at him for a moment, like she’s having a really deep thought about something. “I should’ve asked if _he_ is pretty earlier, shouldn’t I?”

“Well, I would have known the answer to that.”

“And?”

He is probably beaming now, eyes wide and more in love than ever, “He is,” Phil says, smile breaking out and there’s no use to even try to hide it.

When she hugs him, Phil presses his face harder against her shoulder, so the tears get stuck in her t-shirt. They are for her anyway. “Thanks mom,” he mumbles, dropping the bedding and everything on the floor to wrap both arms around her.

“Anything for you, Philip. That’s how I love you.”

When they let go, she picks up his tears with her thumb and her love for him is pouring out of her. Phil realises that just because being into girls had been easier for him, doesn’t mean that being into guys have to be difficult.  
He picks up the stuff he dropped on the floor to go back to Dan. Phil’s mother asks him to properly invite Dan for dinner some day, and Phil promises to do so. They say goodnight already, as his mother is off for an early meeting in the morning and then they go into separate bedrooms.

“Your mom didn’t know?” Dan asks with a low voice, when Phil is back in his bedroom with the door closed again.

Phil feels embarrassed, “Err, no… No one did. I only told PJ earlier today.”

“That’s okay. I’m proud of you, Phil.” Dan goes in for a hug, and Phil drops the bedding for a second time.


End file.
